This is so fucking forced
Like what did I do? What happened?
Why is this so difficult now…?
Please just stop
I’m sorry I’m not good enough.
Or whatever enough.
I’m sorry I’m not her.
I wish I was what you wanted.
I don’t want to put a two-piece on tomorrow
Not around the people who will be there
I don’t even know
I want to have fun
But I’ll be spending most of the time wrapping my arms around my middle and wishing I didn’t hate my body
I’m such a girl
I have a problem
Where I think I’m horribly grotesque and should be skinnier
When in reality I’m an average 5’4” at 135 lbs
I may or may not be starving myself and/or bulimic to fix my poor mental image
And we’re still going
Something has definitively changed
I wish I were what you wanted
I hate that things feel different now.
Is th thrill over? You got what you wanted so now you’re over it?
I wish I didn’t feel like this.
I wish I could stop comparing myself to all of the other ones.
I wish I didn’t doubt.
I wish you’d put my doubts to rest…
But you don’t.
I hate this feeling.
